Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
