Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
