He asked to "fluff my boner.."
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
