She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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