Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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