I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
