i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
