nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
