Non-Jews are for practice
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
