Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
