I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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