Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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