and next time when you feel me up, do it right
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
