Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
