It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
