She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We left the knife in your bed.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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