you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
