it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
