you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Never underestimate the power of titties
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