If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
