oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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