I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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