I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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