Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
