Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
