Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
