First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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