hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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