we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
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