you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
