He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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