i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
