She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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