They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
