I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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