Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
