May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
