i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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