gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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