Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
