I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
