you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Randomize
