Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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