I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
