"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going