I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
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there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
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the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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