No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
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Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
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I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage