i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.