Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
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so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
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Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick