There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar