my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now