If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.