She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
