I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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