Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
