God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
