some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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