You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
