i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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