Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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