I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
