Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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