you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
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maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
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I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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