Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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