i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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