why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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