ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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