just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
