sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
