WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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