You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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