i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
