Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
