forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The uberlube is also flammable
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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