dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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