i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
