My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
