Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
