UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
