he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you didnt know i had herpes?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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