i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
